Storytelling Week 10: The Fairy Bride
There was once a beautiful girl named, Neen-i-zu, which meant, “My Dear Life.” Neen-i-zu was a beautiful girl who was loved by all of the people who knew her. She was different from the other girls in the tribe, though. While other girls preferred to learn trades that would make them more pleasing wives, such as basketweaving and cooking, Neen-i-zu preferred to get lost in her thoughts and explore the forest. She was atypical, and everyone knew it.
Neen-i-zu could spend hours in the forest, playing with the animals, walking through the trees, and lost in her day dreams. Her most common day dreams were about a life where she could stay happy in the forest forever. She would be so thrilled to live in the forest and be at peace with nature. Her mother wasn’t pleased with this. Neen-i-zu’s mother loved her so much and wanted the best life for her. Her mother believed the best option was to marry her off to a hunter, so she would always be well fed. Neen-i-zu hated the thought of marrying someone who only thought of killing animals. It hurt her heart, but marrying the hunter was her only choice. As much as she wanted to disobey, family came first and she could never go against her mother's wishes.
On the day of her wedding, Neen-i-zu was the most gorgeous girl around. Everyone was excited for her wedding except for Neen-i-zu herself. Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to explore the forest at will once she was married, Neen-i-zu went exploring into the forest one last time, just hours before the ceremony.
She slowly wandered through the forest, taking in everything around her. The trees, the little stream, and all of the animals. She was crying sadly as she moved through the trees when she was suddenly caught off guard. The most beautiful creature she had ever seen had peeked around a tree and made eye contact with her. Neen-i-zu froze, unsure of what to do. Slowly the creature, a gorgeous man-fairy, came up to her. He gently wiped away Neen-i-zu’s tears from her cheek. Instantly she fell in love with this fairy, and she knew in her heart they were meant to be with each other.
The man-fairy had known of Neen-i-zu’s predicament. He had always watched her from afar, but he had always been too shy to express his love for her. Knowing this was his last chance, he gained the courage to approach her. He expressed his love for her and she reciprocated, both ecstatic to have finally found true happiness.
Neen-i-zu was so happy and they married in that moment. The marriage was a magical kind of marriage. Once they were married, the magic of the forest made Neen-i-zu into a fairy so she could stay with her fairy husband forever and live the life she had always dreamed of. The couple lived happily ever after in the forest until the end of their days. It was Neen-i-zu's dream come true.
Author’s Note: This was based on the story, The Fairy Bride. In the original story Neen-i-zu had the same backstory that I wrote about. However, in the original story, Neen-i-zu went into the forest before her marriage and was never seen again, except for by her hunter husband-to-be. Her hunter husband-to-be saw Neen-i-zu walk unto the arms of the man fairy, while in her wedding dress, and embraced him. When he saw this, he assumed she became a fairy-bride and told the rest of their people. There was actually no story of how exactly she became a fairy bride, though. I didn’t like that the original story skipped how exactly she became a fairy bride, so I wrote my own version of how I thought it would happen. I thought about making the story dark, but I decided against it. I wanted to make the story sweet, because I thought that such a good-natured person like Neen-i-zu deserved a happy ending, especially after being so misunderstood her whole life. Also, I tried to imagine the backstory of her fairy husband, so I decided to make him shy to explain why they didn't get married until the last minute. I hope you enjoyed my version!
Oh WOW, what an awesome story! I’m not the romantic type in real life, but I love a good “we were meant for each other” story :) I love how you used that gap in the story to tell your own. As a lover of nature too, I don’t think I would have wanted to marry a hunter either ;) Great job!
ReplyDeleteI also read the first one and it did leave me wondering what exactly happened to her. I love how you choose to elaborate on her disappearance to explain how happy she was and how she found the person she was truly supposed to be with. I think that your story also flowed really well. Overall, I really liked it.
ReplyDeleteThis is the life I want to have! I love the idea of just exploring and getting lost in my thoughts (I get lost in my thoughts in about all my classes). Neen-i-zu seems very loving. She was willing to go through with a marriage she did not want to do in the first place, that screams that she puts others before herself. I was happy to see that in the end she found someone she did truly love. It is always nice to see that good things happen to great people.
ReplyDeleteHeather, what a charming story. I love that you changed what you did not like about the ending of the story and made it your own. I agree with you in the sense that I probably would have wondered exactly how Neen-i-zu became a fairy bride. I thought it was cool how Neen-i-zu mother was not happy about her spending her time in the forests and then she ended up spending the rest of her days in the forest with her man fairy. Well done, Heather. I enjoyed reading.
ReplyDeleteHeather, I was very impressed with your storytelling this week. The picture that you chose to symbolize your story really caught my attention. I loved the girls name and what it meant. This really added to your story. I would suggest to space between paragraphs, but other than that it was a great read. Your author’s note was very helpful as well. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHeather! Your portfolio looks great! I like this story a lot, especially reading the Author's Note was extremely helpful. I didn't read the original story, but from the way you described it, it was missing some details. I like that your adaptation of the story was to fill in the details, I've never used that 'strategy' before. I also like that you didn't make this story dark, and based off what I know of Neen-i-zu, she definitely does deserve a sweet ending! I can relate to her in that I would much rather go roam the forest than learn how to cook, I think it is the adventure in us both. I like that he has a happy ending and can roam the forest with her true fairy love, that's way cool. My only comment on the structure would just be to break up the paragraphs a bit and maybe add a little dialogue to spice it up a bit! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey, Heather! So I really, really loved this story! I like that you chose to tell of a certain aspect of the plot that was missing in the original, and yet the plot was kept intact and the story flowed extraordinarily well. You did a fantastic job of characterizing Neen-i-zu at the beginning of this tale (she actually reminded me quite a bit of myself, haha), and maintained that same character faithfully throughout the remainder of the story.
ReplyDeleteThe only real critique I have is regarding the immediate appearance of and marriage to the man-fairy--there just seemed to be something missing here. Even though we have limited space for these stories, it just seemed like there needed to be more basis for the attraction on Neen-i-zu's side, not just on the man-fairy's side. [The only other thing I might add to this story is a short statement on the reactions of the tribe members to Neen-i-zu's disappearance, but this is largely unnecessary.]
I truly enjoyed reading your tale! Great work
Hi Heather,
ReplyDeleteI appreciated how you improvised many of the details that were left out of the original story, such as bolstering the description of the husband's "backstory." I also thought it was appropriately creative of you to change the plot of the story to keep the bride in the tale (instead of lost in the woods), and to add in your own ideation of what happened. I enjoyed reading that.
My one critique is that there is no dialogue here. Dialogue moves the story along really well, and breaks up the pace of things, yet I didn't see that at all. The story read more like an extensively narrated description instead of an actual tale. I was a bit disappointed that this was the case.
However, your sentences are constructed pretty well and the paragraph breaks are appropriate.
More dialogue, as well as more extensive character development, would do wonders for making this story come alive.
Hi Heather. I haven't started reading this story yet, but I do suggest that you put short descriptions of each of the stories that you've included in your portfolio on your "Portfolio Introduction" page. That way, it will provide readers a bit of context as to what they are about to read. As far as this story goes, I haven't read the original story that you're retelling, but I really liked how you developed Neen-i-zu's character. Even without dialogue, I can still imagine how she acts around other people, and I still get a sense of what she's like. Your story was well put-together and easy to follow, and I really enjoyed reading it. My suggestion would be that you try to develop Neen-i-zu's character even more. Though you did a good job on it, I think that there is still more that the reader should learn about her. Good job on this story! I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteI liked your story, Heather! You made Neen-i-zu very relatable, as a lot of people don't like hunting or hurting animals. Your story flowed along very well, and the progression of events made perfect sense. The way you focused on the main character instead of other details was well done. These stories usually end up pretty sad, so I'm glad yours ended up with a happy ending! Great work!
ReplyDeleteHeather. I enjoyed reading your story. First off, I liked all the details you brought into it. You expressed the "magic" of the forest really well in the eyes of Neen-i-zu. I also liked how the story ended happy for her. I figured it would end with her marrying the hunter and living her life wishing she wasn't trapped. However, you chose the happy ending, which enhanced the story's depth. Great job with the story!
ReplyDelete