The Ogre’s Great Deceit
“Not again!” the ogre yelled aloud.
He had lost the girl again! He was very hungry, and this girl was his next tasty meal. He had been chasing this girl on horseback for what seemed like hours, though it had only been twenty minutes in reality.
He first spotted his dinner in the village. He was spying on the girl, waiting for the right opportunity. She had black hair, was slightly plump, and looked innocent and pure in her white dress. She was the perfect meal for him. Many minutes went by and almost an hour later he finally had his perfect opportunity. The girl had wandered alone down the road, so he made his move. Disguised as a human man, he first tried to reel her in by charming her. Unfortunately for the ogre, she saw through his fake human mask instantly and bolted down the road.
Flabbergasted that she had recognized his true form, the ogre had gotten a late start on his pursuit of her. Unwilling to give up, he kept chasing her in hopes of catching her before it was too late. He chased along down the road until he had run into a monk.
After asking the monk if he had seen a girl running down the road, the monk replied that he hadn’t. Knowing he was lying, the ogre devised a great plan to talk him into telling the truth.
“Monk, you mustn't lie to me! For I’ve been sent by the Lord of the Heavens to kill that creature. She is not a girl, but a flying Ogre in disguise. Lying to me would be the same as going against the will of the Lord of the Heavens!”
Horrified that he had helped an ogre and terrified to go against the will of the Lord of the Heavens, the monk 'fessed up and said that the girl had run and had hidden in the hollow tree on the side of the road.
Pleased with himself for his great deceit, the ogre thanked the monk and went galloping into the hollow tree where he found the girl hiding. She tried to run, but having nowhere to run to, she was unable to escape the ogre. She screamed for help, but the monk had already walked away and there was no one to come to her rescue.
The ogre devoured her instantly, and in celebration, took a lengthy nap within the hollow tree.
The ogre continued to use this lie on unsuspecting victims. The girl from the village had been so tasty. He assumed there had to have been something in the water, and so he decided to obtain his next few victims from the same village. After all, after such a brilliant lie, he deserved the best of the best.
Unfortunately, the village people were wiser than he had anticipated. Soon the village people caught on to his lies. Knowing he would chase one of the villagers into a place where they couldn't escape, a whole group of villagers hid in the tree, waiting for the ogre. One of the village girls was used as bait. She had the ogre chase her all the way to the tree where the ogre had eaten his first victim. The ogre only expected to find the girl hiding in the tree, but what he actually encountered would be his ultimate demise. The group of villagers that had hidden in the tree soon killed him when he entered. The ogre was no more, and his killing spree had ended where it had began.
Unfortunately, the village people were wiser than he had anticipated. Soon the village people caught on to his lies. Knowing he would chase one of the villagers into a place where they couldn't escape, a whole group of villagers hid in the tree, waiting for the ogre. One of the village girls was used as bait. She had the ogre chase her all the way to the tree where the ogre had eaten his first victim. The ogre only expected to find the girl hiding in the tree, but what he actually encountered would be his ultimate demise. The group of villagers that had hidden in the tree soon killed him when he entered. The ogre was no more, and his killing spree had ended where it had began.
Author’s Note: In the original story, The Flying Ogre, the man running after the girl was actually a man, and the girl was actually the flying ogre disguised as a girl, or at least that was what was assumed. When I was reading the original story I thought about what it would be like to be in the monk’s position, and I wondered how he would know which character was actually telling the truth. Deciding that it would be impossible to know which person I would trust, I thought it would be fun to switch up the roles, and tell the story this way.
I wanted to give more of an actual ending than the original story did. The original story never confirmed or denied if the girl was actually an ogre or not, or if the man actually killed her. The original ending left the story so wishy-washy, and I decided to give the story the ending I thought it deserved.
From the book, Chinese Fairy Book by Wilhelm (1921)
I really enjoyed your story. The way that you spaced out each paragraph helped the flow of the story. It was easy to follow and understand. Your author’s note did a great job of explaining the original story and why you chose to change up your story. I really liked how you changed what perspective the story was told in. This was a great touch. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really loved the perspective change from the original story: it added so much more depth to the plot than the original did. Your spin on it made the good character in the story, the monk, fallible, which really added a lot of tension to the drama. I was thinking, would the monk actually see through the ogre's facade like the girl did.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story to read! I love how you chunked it into smaller paragraphs making a very nice flow for the story; it made it very easy to read. I loved how it seemed like the ogre had won since he was able to catch his prey. Adding that final part about the villagers banding together in the end made it all come to a satisfying end.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you took the story from the perspective that the story was originally written with and turned it into your own story by changing the point of view. I certainly thought you wrapped up everything well, it was a good story with a good ending. I think you could add on to the story by providing a couple of examples of how the ogre was found out. All you wrote was that the village people caught on to his lies and he was killed. But, if you added an example of how the ogre tried to sell a lie to one of the village people and it made that person suspicious. That then led to the village people talking about the man, who is actually the ogre, which then leads them to realize the man actually an ogre. I think that adding some more detail in that way would help your story all the more.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was a really cool story. I like that you made some small alterations so that the monk was tricked by the ogre, and I liked all of the detail you gave at the beginning of the story. You set the scene really well; I could picture everything that was happening.
ReplyDeleteGoing off of that, I wish you would (and hope you will) add a little more to the end of the story. I feel like the entire plot was centered on the ogre trying to obtain his next meal, but then all of a sudden at the end you included a tiny paragraph about the village people rising up against the ogre. This little paragraph could be expanded into your whole next story I think. Maybe a two-parter? But I’m not you, I may have no clue what I’m talking about. Anyways, really a great twist on the original story. Great Job!
Hi Heather, great story! I read a story similar to this so it was fun following along! You painted a very clear picture in my head as I read, which is always good! Your detail, word choice, grammar usage were all great. Poor girl though getting eating by the ogre thought ha! This story has a dark villain aspect to it but I still really enjoyed it. I liked reading in your author's note how you gave it more of an ending. i hate when stories just end and don't tie up lose ends!
ReplyDeleteYou did a really awesome job on this story, Heather. I like that you switched up the details of the original story and made them more certain, less vague. If I had read The Flying Ogre, it would have bothered me that there was no definitive indication of whether the girl really was a flying ogre or not. Your retelling is very well written and I thought many of the details sounded like they could have come from a traditional folktale. I wonder if the monk ever learned that he had actually helped the ogre and gotten the little girl eaten. He had been manipulated and tricked but I still think he would have felt bad that he had played a part in the ogre’s evil plan. Did the ogre continue to trick the monk into telling him where the little girls were hiding or did he trick other people with the same lie? That part of the story is a little unclear.
ReplyDeleteHeather, I thought this story was very interesting. It was written very well and I like how the ogre kind of got what he deserved in the end. I also like how you explained in your author's note how you changed the ending to where it gave more closure. Ambiguity within stories can be annoying especially if they are in short ones.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I like your writing style. It was very easy to read and I never had to stop and think about what I was reading. You did especially well when the Ogre was attempting to chase down the girl. I also like the details you used, which gave the story much more depth. You expressed the feeling of hunger and the frightened monk very well. Overall, great job with your story!
Heather, great job with this story! I think you did a good job with retelling the original story, but changing it to your own perspective. I also like the ogre got what he deserved. I love an ending when the bad guys go down. I thought it was interesting that the village people caught on to the ogre. I assumed that they caught on to him because he kept using the same tricks to devour or eat them. Another thing was I thought it was interesting that the monk sold out the girl. I wonder if the monk felt bad for doing that considering what ended up happening to her in the end because of him. Also, I like the picture you used. I never pictured an ogre being that huge, but it makes for a great visual. Overall, your story was very well written and I had a good time reading it. I hope to read more from you soon. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHeather, I really liked your take on this story. It was clever to swap the roles and then have the ogre use the original story as a ruse to fool the monk. The intro is strong because it immediately gets the reader interested in what is going on. You do a good job of back-tracking briefly to give more context for the story and then diving right back into what is happening. I thought your description was effective, and I was able to get a clear picture of what was happening in my mind. The words you used were also great - I've always been a fan of "flabbergasted". One thing you might consider changing is not making a couple of the events in the story so abrupt. Both the ogre eating the girl and the townspeople killing the ogre happen very quickly. I know you don't want the story to be too long, but I think if you just added a little more detail in each of those cases it would make the story as a whole feel more full and complete. Other than that, I didn't see any plot or grammar areas that I thought you needed to look at, and I think you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteHey, Heather! So I really enjoyed your story and the way in which you were able to such a simple character-swap that could so dramatically change the story. I find it interesting that the original story never actually stated if the girl was actually an ogre or not, highlighting how easy deception could be--something you carried into your story quite well, if in a slightly different fashion.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I feel was really missing from your story was the reaction of the monk upon learning that he sided with the wrong person in informing the disguised ogre where the girl was hiding. You appropriately displayed the outrage of the citizens in their trap to kill the ogre (in a way showing much poetic justice), but nothing more was said of the monk after he left the scene.
You did such a great job of setting up this character who believed he was being righteous and felt terrible for being "tricked," but then you just left his character and missed out on the chance to add a little more depth to your story. If you could add in a couple sentences about him when talking about the villagers learning of the ogre's deception, I think you could help provide a little more continuity to this story and bring it to a whole other level.
Overall, great work! I really loved your story and cannot wait to read more!
Hi Heather!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. My attention was caught from the very beginning because your title caught my interest. I thought to myself, "The Ogre is deceitful? What did he do?" Good job on that.
Before reading this story, I had only read or seen one ogre story and that was Shrek. Now I feel like I know a bit more about ogres. I liked that you chose to include dialogue in your story because it helped break up the paragraphs. Also, it helps give the characters a voice and makes them more personal and relatable. If I had any suggestion, I'd say add even more dialogue to take your story to the next level.
I thought that you did a great job organizing your paragraphs and your sentences flowed smoothly from beginning to end. I also enjoyed the picture that you chose because I pictured ogres completely differently. Kind of scary, really.
Overall, great job! I look forward to reading more from you in the upcoming weeks!
I really liked this story also, Heather! I liked the details you used when describing the girl, it gave a nice mental image for the reader to have when thinking of her interactions with the ogre! I loved that you used flabbergasted, it's not used nearly enough! Overall, I thought your story was awesome, it flowed well, and was really well-written!
ReplyDeleteThis story was really good. I like how it was dark in middle of it all, with the ogre tricking people and going on a killing spree. I also liked that in the end the ogre met his fate. This story is definitely a “what goes around, comes around” story. The ogre thought that his lie was full proof and ended up paying the ultimate price.
ReplyDelete